Happy Hour
by ShyAnon
Summary: Lady goes looking for Dante only to find him and the others drunk off their asses. Oneshot! My two year anniversary gift to everyone. Thanks and enjoy!


**-Snicker-**

**OK, so on April 29th I had my two year anniversary with this web site and as mentioned before I wanted to do something special to mark the occasion. Unfortunately my extremely heavy workload in my actual daily job had robbed me of mind and time to actually write which is why this is so late coming. I've been bringing work home **_**with **_**me... ugh.**

**So I decided to take two years worth of fiction and find a way to combine some of it into a single oneshot...lol So my OC's from other stories will make an appearence even if it is impossible for them to all be here...lol I gave them roles in a type of AU setting.**

**I also try to reference my other stories when possible. So basically, this is an excuse to get the canon cast drunk...lmao! Since you guys seem to love it whenever they do and hell, I love writing them this way. :)**

**Thanks to you guys not only have I gotten a total of 858 reviews combined from my 19 current stories, but also I've been given the opportunity by one reader to have 'Mercy' translated into Portuguese. Thanks Brighit Sparda!**

**So this one is for everyone. My read only non reviewers, my reviewers of few words, my anon reviewers and my faithful readers both with me from the beginning and the new. :)**

**It's been a bumpy road but I only continue to press on because of how much joy and pride sharing my stories with you guys makes me feel. Words can't express...**

**...so we'll settle for drunkeness instead! ^_^**

**Please note that due to my workload my updates will be slowed a bit, but I am working on both the next chapter of BIO and KM so no worries. :D**

**Enjoy!**

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**Happy Hour**

The bar was alive with colorful characters, music, lights and the stagnant smell of cigarettes. Mostly people came to this quaint and normally quiet bar for a good drink, but tonight all eyes were on the karaoke stage.

Dante knew something drastic had to happen when he heard the unholy wailing that could only come from a demon. He stood from his stool and walked smoothly towards the disturbing sound to point a warning finger towards the creature.

"Sing in key you drunkard! You are _killing _that song!" Dante growled in a bit of a drunken incoherency that could only come from shots. A _lot _of them.

"Back off old man! I am killing the crowd, right folks?" Nero replied just as wasted as he tried to remember where he was in the song as it continued to play without him.

"That's what I'm saying! No one wants to hear you wail like a banshee!" Dante responded as he nearly tripped getting up the stage to wrestle the mic from Nero.

"It's _mine_!" Nero yelled. "Wait your damn turn!"

"It was _my _turn like... a million turns ago. Give it!"

The two practically fell over in their drunken attempt at fighting, causing both to break out into hysterics.

"You are _sooo _wasted." Nero said laughing.

"You? What about me?! Err... you?" Dante continued as he tripped over his words.

"So this is where you've been?"

Both men turned to see Lady standing with her hands on her hips glaring at both.

"_Laaaddyy_!" Dante said happily as he put his arms out towards her. "What's happenin' babe?"

"Don't play cute with me Dante..."

"Dude, she thinks you're cute! Ahahaha!" Nero laughed practically in tears.

"I'm _adorable._" Dante replied smacking Nero upside the head which drew them both back into hysterics. Lady's eyes narrowed pointedly at Nero.

"I expect this kind of shit from Dante, but you Nero?" Lady said towards the boy who, still holding back a laugh, looked sheepishly away.

"Now now... No one forced him to drink." Dante grumbled wagging a finger at her.

"But you said if I didn't that you'd..." Nero began confused before Dante threw a hand over his mouth and pushed him back a bit.

"The grown ups are talking now kid, so shut it."

Lady sighed.

"Where the hell is everyone? I've been sitting at Devil May Cry for an _hour_! We have a business to run you know!" Lady snapped as she grabbed both by the shirt with each hand. They sobered a bit at the tone in her voice. At least until Dante leaned over towards Nero.

"Dude, I can totally see down her shirt from here."

Nero's laughing face suddenly turned bright red and he looked quickly away at the elder's words. Dante though in high spirits and with an arm still slung around the boy's neck practically pulled him into Lady.

"You gotta see some tits sooner or la--" Dante began until Lady sneered and banged their heads together causing them to laugh mewling 'ow's'. Nero looked highly embarrassed.

"_Where_ are the others?" Lady asked in a seething tone.

Dante lifted a hand and pointed to a booth by the back of the bar where Vergil and Artemis sat.

"C'mon! It was only a joke!" Dante called when Lady said nothing more and left the two laughing boys to their fight over the karaoke mic.

On her way towards the table someone suddenly called out to her. She turned to see two women sitting by the bar. One, a tall blonde with fierce eyes and a timid looking brunette.

"Nikki?" Lady asked as she peered through the smoky room. A devious grin split across the blonde's face.

"Lady. How good to see you again." Nikki replied smoothly. "If I had known you were coming I would've brought some of my finished_ work _along with me."

"As much as I do enjoy your... err, _work_, you really need to give up. They're not going yaoi for you." Lady said as she nodded towards the singing wonder morons up on stage.

"Or so you say." Nikki replied with a wicked smirk coming across her blood red lips. "You see, I have a bet going on with Miss Bobbi here and I intend to come out on top." Then she quickly added. "As always."

Lady looked at the brunette beside Nikki, who she guessed was the "Miss Bobbi" she spoke of. The girl gave a small smile, glancing briefly towards Nikki before her eyes moved from them to sneak a glance over at Dante.

"What bet?" Lady asked suspiciously.

"That they'll go yaoi of course. She doesn't believe me either. If she wins I promised to introduce her to Dante."

Lady laughed derisively at that. She knew Dante wouldn't voluntarily come near Nikki on pain of death.

"Why in the world would anyone want to be introduced to that numb shit?" Lady asked crossing her arms. Bobbi flushed, averting her eyes.

"Why else? The girl is simply obsessed with our young devil hunter. Rightly so too..." Nikki paused as she glanced at Dante and bit her lip flirtatiously. "What woman wouldn't want a piece of that devil's food cake?"

Lady snorted because at that moment Mr. Cake let out a loud belch into the mic. _Oh yes... what woman can resist his charms... _Lady internally thought. She turned back to the pair and gave them an appraising look.

"What about you? What's in it for you if you win this bet?"

"That's... confidential." Nikki replied lifting her drink and sucking on her straw innocently. "Well, that being said you have a good night Lady." Nikki continued evasively when Lady didn't relent.

"Whatever... You stay out of trouble." Lady said as she shrugged. Nikki let out a mocking laugh.

"You know me better than that Lady."

Lady turned glancing back only once at the two and thinking she needed to pick her acquaintances a lot better in future so she stopped having to deal with the psycho's Dante tended to attract.

Finally she made it to the table where the two men sat. Vergil with his face looking down, and Artemis staring at the ceiling while mouthing something under his breath. _He'd better be praying to whatever god will listen to him._

"You!" Lady yelled.

Artemis jumped, Vergil did not move and suddenly Trish popped up from lying on the seat where she was not visible before to stare around blankly.

"It wasn't me, I paid the exctricity..." Trish mumbled before falling over in the other direction and lying on the padded booth seat that wrapped around the table.

"Lady." Artemis said still a little jumpy. "What a pleasure--" but he paused when she cut him off.

"Don't tell me you three are drunk too?"

"I would lie to you now if I didn't see the punishment in your mind that would befall me if I did." Artemis replied with a nervous glance her way. "Then again by telling you I considered lying in the first place I trust that there will be hell to pay. But maybe since I was honest with you.... Ahhh, I'll shut up now," he finished when she glared.

Lady rolled her eyes disgusted by them all as she turned to see Nero and Dante hanging on each others shoulders to a horrible rendition of "Ebony and Ivory". Swaying back and forth and closing their eyes dramatically as if they were the best singers in the world even as bar patrons booed and laughed at them. All except Nikki who was yelling for them to take it all off to the embarrassment of her younger companion.

"I'm out of here." Lady said with a sigh as she went for the door. But she felt an arm sling around her neck and turned to find Dante was holding onto her still trying to sing.

"C'mon Lady! Sing along!"

He put the mic up to her face but she only glared at it with a tight lipped sneer.

"C'mon! You need a drink... _Waitress_!" Dante called before tossing the mic over his shoulder and causing major feedback as Nero failed to catch it with his human hand but instead with his demonic one, crushing it.

After a severe talking to from the DJ, one that Nero seemed much too drunk to understand and Dante slipping him some cash they were all back sitting in the booth in awkward silence.

"Seriously guys, we have to get back to the shop. This is so unprofessional." Lady sighed as she rubbed her forehead.

"Dude... Even we deserve a lil R and R right?"

"Here here!" Nero said as he raised his beer mug in agreement.

"What in the world is wrong with Vergil?" Lady finally asked when she noticed the elder twin hadn't said a word or looked up from his partly empty glass. Not that he was known to be chatty but the fact he wasn't agreeing with her that they were all morons was not right.

"Well, I tried to give him a shot but he got all uptight. So I offered him some tea." Dante replied as he slung an arm around her shoulder, bringing her face close so he could whisper.

"Tea?" Lady asked.

"Yup, allll the way from _Long Island_. He loves um, don'tcha Vergy?" Dante chuckled causing Lady to push his head away with her palm flat to his forehead.

Vergil's eyes briefly looked up all glazed over and everyone seemed to pause. She expected him to berate Dante or use some means of intelligent insult. What actually happened was even better.

"You... are... ignant." Vergil mumbled.

Lady just blinked at him before turning to stare at Dante perplexed.

"Drinking makes him talk stupidese." Dante said as he laughed. Nero was practically falling over in the seat on Dante's other side.

"Shurrup. Gone kill... Get Tamato… Yamater..."

Nero and Dante were holding onto one another trying to catch their breath. Despite his threat Vergil simply went back to staring down at his glass as if it were the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

"Check it out, she's coming back." Dante suddenly said in what was supposed to be a whisper but he was too drunk to realize it was actually loud enough for their table and anyone nearby to hear.

Lady turned to see what he was talking about and caught sight of an auburn haired waitress headed over with a tray of drinks. She stopped at their table and as she set her tray down Lady read the name _Amy_ on her work shirt.

"Well... she returns." Dante said with a smirk as he leaned forward.

"That I do. You guys need anything?" Amy asked with a look at the table. It was Vergil who perked up.

"Yesh... more... tea," he mumbled as his eyes trailed up towards her, and then quickly looked away. Her smile widened.

"Better take it easy or else they'll be carrying you out of here," the waitress said as she leaned forward to take Vergil's almost empty glass. She was stopped by Vergil, who put his hand around hers. "I thought you wanted another one?"

"He does. He just wanted an excuse to touch ya." Dante mumbled as if he were being covert about it and once again failing miserably. Vergil blanched, glared and then let go of the glass for her to take.

"I'll be back then." Amy said to them all, glancing momentarily to Vergil, before heading back towards the bar with a much wider smile on her face then when she arrived.

Lady turned to look at Vergil slightly perplexed at him actually showing an emotion aside from stoic indifference.

"Vergil and Amy sitting in a tree..." Dante chimed trying to hold in his laughter. Vergil's fist on the table tightened. Lady, not really sure why it disturbed her to see Vergil looking so... _red _spoke to break the tension.

"You don't want to be picking up girls like that. They are nothing but drama..."

Dante snorted derisively.

"Why? Are you a better option Lady? Please... You are _nothing _but trouble."

Now it was Lady's turn to blush before she punched Dante hard in his shoulder earning her a satisfying yelp of pain from the devil as not only her fist hit him, but his other shoulder slammed into Nero who was sitting on his other side.

"This is no time for games Dante! We have a client waiting for us back at the shop!" Lady said.

"Missions... jobs... blah blah blah." Dante said annoyed. "That's all we ever do. They say jump, we jump. Well damn it all... I'm gonna... gonna..." Dante suddenly stood determinedly but it was obvious to see his face was a lot paler than it had been a second ago. "I'm gonna puke..."

Lady jumped up and away from the table as Dante ran at full speed towards the men's room almost mowing her down.

Things were quiet while Dante was gone, almost as if the group could feel the rage slowly building in Lady the longer they lingered in the bar.

"You know..." Artemis said suddenly with a very somber and depressed tone. "It's tough being a pretty man."

"Here, ugh, here." Dante's voice came from the other side of the booth where he apparently had decided to rest when he couldn't make it back to the booth before the dizziness took him over. "Hand me a beer."

His black gloved hands were groping over the side and Lady just ignored him.

"Ha ha! Artie's a pretty man..." Nero snickered.

"I was referring to you." Artemis replied looking triumphantly at Nero whose wide grin wavered before his eyes narrowed. Lady decided enough was enough between Trish passed out, Dante groping her shoulder and the potential fight that might break out between Nero an Artemis. This just wasn't worth the effort.

"Ya know what? I've had enough. Screw you _all_. I'm heading back." Lady finally said wondering why she had even bothered to come looking for them. Nero protested, Vergil brooded, Trish snored and Artemis just waved with a glazed over look in his eyes. Lady gave them all one last eye roll before heading towards the door and leaving them all behind.

"Who wassat?" Vergil asked after she was gone.

"Uhh... Kyrie?" Dante's voice offered as he pulled himself up over the back of the booth and tried to reach for the beer no one had given him.

"One of these days man..." Nero began. "I'm gonna marry that girl."

"Over my dead body you will..." Dante suddenly growled.

All eyes including the previously dozing Trish turned to look at him questioningly and somewhat alarmed. Nero flushed and looked away uncomfortably as a female voice yelled "_HA! I told you I'd win the bet!_" somewhere in the background.

"Okay, awkward..." Artemis said as he stared between them, pulling the beer Dante had not yet reached away from his hands. "No more for you."

--

When Lady arrived back their client was still sitting patiently on the couch although she noted that the woman did look a bit annoyed at seeing her come back empty handed.

"Where are the others?" The brunette asked putting a hand on her hip when she stood to turn towards her.

"Barhopping." Lady replied bitterly. "And I don't think they are coming back anytime soon."

Hazel eyes rolled in much the same way Lady's had when she found out where her comrades were and a soft laugh came from her mouth as she shook her head.

"I'm really sorry Shy. I tried to get them to come back, but they are all wasted." Lady continued apologetically.

Shy unzipped her laptop bag and pulled her computer from within, sitting down to open it on her lap.

"It's OK Lady. You tried your best." Shy replied with a smile that turned into a bit of a devious grin. "After all, you know what this means don't you?"

"Uh... no?" Lady asked questioningly. Shy's eyes lit up before she replied.

"Yet another excuse for me to write a drunken oneshot…"

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**Does giving myself a cameo make me evil? lol Sorry, I couldn't resist! Hope you enjoyed it regardless. :)**

**Artemis is from "Killing Moon", Amy from "Bleed for Me/Bleed It Out", Bobbi from "Obsession" and Nikki from "Homophobic Tendences" for anyone unfamiliar with them...lol G'night!**


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